Ahhh February, Just when you've escaped the vomit-enhancing jolliness of Christmas...The dreary skint ridden plopness of January then comes a month to remind you just how many vile- braindead peolple are bumping uglies...yup Valentines Day!....
Now i'm all for a bit of romance, a bunch of flowers or a nice bottle of vino...yes i am. What I detest more than anything are these saddo couples that book into there local Pizza Hut, buy each other cards that say 'To My Blokey' or even more humdingingly awful 'The Missus' and sit staring into space and playing solitaire on their phone or better still think the end of the world is nigh if they can't spend this synthetic stalker- like day together? A night when future stars of Jeremy Kyle are born...
Being a *career minded* sorry i mean single lady it can sometimes feel like your missing out on such wondrous moments, when your heart skips a beat, when you dream in technicolor of long summers spent in the arms of your Apollo... where would i find such a being? such a beaut.?...Does he even exist?? Then I switch on the TV and as quick as you can say 'Paddy Mcguinness' Saturday night shit-a-thon' my thoughts leave me... melting my braincells (or what is left) is 20 something girls vying for the attention of a gold plated prize penis, either banging bongo's or juggling footballs and acting all nonchalant to win a date in 'Tenerifey' with another award winning wanker. Then comes the adverts 'I like old movies...like the god father...3' arghhhhh! find your perfect match at match.com....yeah, that or a more than likely a desperate, WKD loving 'ass hat' who enjoys reading Max Power and watching babe station in his Mums attic.
So just like the Suffragettes intended 'No likey-No lighty'
I'm off to watch Baywatch...
Keep shining that shit folks...
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